Have you ever been tempted to say yes to something simply because you didn’t want to seem rude or unhelpful?
The good news is, you’re not alone. The bad news is, it’s a very common problem, one that usually carries a ton of guilt along with it.
Saying no can be a huge struggle, especially if you’ve spent most of your life trying to accommodate other’s feelings.
However, adding no to your present vocabulary will not only save your sanity but it will help define clear boundaries with those around you.
Here are 4 simple ways that you can start saying no and still walk away guilt free.
1. Give Yourself Time: When faced with a situation where you feel drawn to say no, it’s helpful to give yourself a little time delay before giving an answer. Start by developing key go-to statements that you can pull out at a moment’s notice such as, “I’ll have to think about that. I’ll get back with you,” or “Let me check my calendar and I’ll let you know.” Keep these statements in the back of your mind at all times. You’ll buy yourself some extra minutes and not feel guilted into an automatic yes.
2. Start Valuing YOU: When you focus all your time and energy on seeking the approval of others, you discount yourself and everything that’s important to you. Start by recognizing that YOU hold the value that you’ve been placing in everyone else. Other people don’t define how worthy or important you are and once you begin to realize this, it opens up a world of possibility. Your wants, needs and opinions have a place in this world so don’t hesitate to show them off. It will do you AND others some good to see you taking a stand and putting yourself first for once.
3. Feel the Fear: And do it anyway. Let’s face it, sometimes you just have to do the thing that scares you the most in order to make it like second nature in the future. Get comfortable with being uncomfortable and decide to make no a part of your regular vocabulary. It may be messy and awkward at first, but just like everything else, once you get in the habit of doing it more than once, it’s going to feel like second nature, and you’ll be shocked at how quickly the guilt will melt away.
4. Find an Alternative: If someone asks you to do something you really don’t want to do, try to come up with another solution that’s a win for all parties. Instead of saying a flat out no, it’s much easier to say, “I’m not able to do that, but how about this instead?” For example, if your friend wants to meet up for lunch but you’re trying to save some cash, tell her you could do a picnic in the park instead and make sandwiches from home. Finding ways to still be helpful will take away much of the guilt you would feel simply by saying no and walking away.
By using one or more of these tips it will ensure that you stay true to yourself and say no to the things that don’t serve you. This will forever be one of the best things you can do to protect your time and energy and save your sanity as well.
In the next post I will be covering ways to handle a boundary bully.
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“How To Say No Without Feeling Guilty ...: and say yes! to more time, money, joy and what matters most to you” by Patti Breitman & Connie Heath.